Sept. 11 -- a day of reflection to help us heal

Is it just me, or are there others out there who think that Sept. 11 should be a national day of mourning? It has been said that you grieve in direct proportion to the depth that you loved. For many, the love they have for our country was reignited on that tragic day in 2001.

Millions of flags flew at half-staff. We are still fighting wars that were caused by the attack, and, sadly, lives continue to be lost. I know we already have Memorial Day and Veterans Day, but I think the date of 9/11 causes us all to conjure up the haunting images.

The dust and death that spilled into our minds and hearts that day were overwhelming for many.

I think it's important to the soul of our nation that we honor our emotions around the day that changed our country and the world forever.

It wouldn't be a day for backyard barbecues and beach parties. Perhaps we would simply observe an hour of silence, or take a few minutes to remember and allow ourselves to feel the loss. Maybe we would just drive with our headlights on.

Giving ourselves this time to observe and share our collective sorrow as Americans, and to empathize with one another, is just one way to help us become whole again.

We lost our sense of security. Now, with the added threat of terrorism, we all think twice about sending our kids across the country on a jet. And a lot more people are looking over their shoulders, sometimes with silent suspicion, at who is flying on the same plane. Not a great way to go through life.

I am not a political animal and don't really know how a national day of mourning would be created. But, as a child of the '60s, I do believe that "we the people" can make changes by stepping up and letting others know how we feel.

There really is no one right way to observe the day. Check in with your heart, see how you are moved and follow your feelings. You can't go wrong.

I, for one, will be spending the morning at some place that will embrace the emotions of the day. Perhaps I'll be at a presidential library, or maybe just sitting on the beach, where I will think and feel deeply about all that we have lost and all that we still have to be grateful for.

(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples."E-mail him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com)